Book: The Difference – Q&A
Valerie A Campbell – Butterfly magazine interview: 11th September 2020: by Simone Scott-Sawyer
- So who is Valerie A Campbell? I am an Enhanced Relationship Coach who helps women to enhance all areas of their relationships, not just the romantic ones. My method is based on the biblical teachings to love your neighbour as you love yourself, which essentially means, you cannot give what you do not have. So, the secret is to love self first, in order to pay it forward.
- How did you end up on this path of self-discovery and self-love? I have spoken openly about being abused as a young girl and this experience led me to unwittingly lock myself in a self-imposed tower, I was lost to myself and failed to recognise my own value. This meant that the ensuing years found me steeped in self-sabotaging behaviour as a result of the trauma I suffered. A series of life events, good and bad, including my managerial role which put me in charge of over 100 men, would provide me with some of the vital lessons to combat the negative beliefs I had about men. These men were also my friends and this provided me a unique insight into the inner workings of a man’s mind. A woman first learns how to be treated by a man by the standard set by her father.Simultaneously, I also embarked on a period of profound spiritual growth, renewing my mind, learning to surrender to Spirit and allowing God’s universe to unlock the doors for me to flow.
- What inspired you to write the book? In my early 20s I had a profound experience, effectively telling me ‘there was no difference between right and wrong’. I heard the message audibly and with crystal clarity. A revelation that I knew was the truth without a shadow of doubt. I kept searching for proofs of this message, not because I doubted it but because I wanted to properly articulate its truth to others and have it received and understood well. Moreover, the other voice, the one that immediately critiques your actions would challenge this, as it did me at the time of the incident, countering the message that there is a difference between right and wrong, surely everyone knows this, right? So, this led me on a journey and the voice I heard and recognised as the voice of God’s Spirit began to convey its meaning – as the years went by it started to unveil layers of truths to me. As a result I began to realise that these truths which were renewing and healing my mind were not just for me. It is an ever evolving process, as I continually grow and learn while being restored by the spirit of God. It feels like medicine that cannot be confined to a man-made clinic and had to be shared. This inspired me to write my third book, The Difference – to use it as a medicinal tool for the mentally ‘sick’ so they could receive healing through the book.
- You have written two previous books, what connection do they have with this book? – The first book I wrote is called ‘She’s Got That Vibe’ and is available on Amazon. At the time, when I received the message, the spirit led me to write that book. It is also based on the same principle that there is no difference between right or wrong. I got the message one day sitting in my bedroom, thinking how do I distinguish myself from other coaches out there. I got the message again, this time with a little more context: there is no difference between Mr Right and Mr Wrong, there is only you and your perspective – your story. So, the learning curve for me was this: you never attract more than how you feel about yourself. ‘How you see’ is based on what you believe and what you see is your judgement. In effect what you see, shows up in your life – you create your reality. For instance, I come across some women who often say from their experience that all men are liars. However, what they may not realise is that, that judgement will determine what shows up for them, as your mind always wants to be right! Wayne Dyer once said it best: ‘when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change’. It is all you. You are a creator, as is God your Father.
In my second book, I contributed a chapter to an anthology series called the ‘Blind Spot’. My chapter called ‘Eve’s story’ was one of 15 chapters in the anthology compiled by Sonia Poleon. Here I describe the story of my childhood which in essence led me onto the path for wanting to know the difference between right and wrong. I had been physically, verbally and sexually abused by my father as a child. Since then and even beyond that experience, I suppose I subconsciously questioned the difference between right and wrong, as to a child your parents are your gods. Lisa Nichols from ‘The Secret’ described Eve’s story as ‘phenomenal’ because in essence, I am trying to help readers make that leap from the darkness to the light. As I grew wiser, I recognised there was a bigger picture I was not privy to at that point in my life, however it was my quest to discover it. I describe how it shaped me and what I learned to show that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
- What is the message you want people to receive? Stop being defensive and instead, be defence-less. Once you stop being defensive i.e. working hard to maintain the construct of false beliefs you have of yourself – your tower around you, you have a choice to be defence-less. This means breaking down those walls and allowing God’s light to shine in a very dark place, in effect enabling you to embody the truth about you – what God says about you . We live in a world of truths and untruths. The truth is God’s vision – how He sees things and how He created us. Anything outside these parameters is an illusion, an untruth and is rooted in lies and deception. What humans tend to do is defend those untruths and illusions. When we break down those illusory constructs around us and stop being defensive, we release ourselves from a place of leaning on our own understanding, to leaning on Christ who is within us: the true ‘Self’ within us. So, transformation begins when you can stop leaning on your understanding from your personal perspective, that perspective being a partial picture, to leaning on God who sees the picture in its entirety. We were never designed to live, if you want to call it that, independent of God. Therefore we ask Him to guide and lead us. Ultimately we cannot serve two masters, so the message I am conveying is that there is the master of truth and untruth, and if you are lost you can choose to be found.
- Your book has an interesting cover, what made you choose the cover? I did not choose the cover, Spirit did. One day I came across a leaflet in the mail it had two glasses of water printed on the front, with the caption asking: Can you can spot the difference? The glasses of water looked identical – it inspired me to ask myself: ‘what is the difference? Spirit guided me to use this concept so that the observer of my book cover would have the same reaction‘I see no difference’. In effect having the answer to the question but not realising. In life we have the answers within, but if we do not realise it then how can we act on it? We tend to seek what we already have. This was the reason for the cover design. Spirit, all-seeing, always knows the answer, as it is beyond our perspective. However, when you submit to Spirit to be used as an instrument, you will be drawn to HIS ways and HIS target audience.
- Why is one’s perspective neither right nor wrong? This is because it is based on a partial picture. We only see part of the picture, whereas Spirit has vision and sees the full picture. In order to see truth reveal itself, we must suspend judgement, which is what the belief in: ‘there is no difference between right and wrong’ allows you to do – it allows you to step back and not lean on your own understanding, but on His, on Spirit’s understanding. Then, and only then will truth reveal itself.
- Is it wrong for a child to be abused? By this, you mean is it evil? Absolutely! But if you ask is it wrong? For me, this elicits a different response. In the context of the grand scheme of things, to which I am not privy, I suspend judgement. God has given us free will and most often our choices are not the will of God. However, we are not designed to judge perfectly as we do not have the full picture. Looking back on those past traumatic events in my life, I see them as preparation for my purpose, I can see how they led me down the path I am on presently. Today I see it as ‘there is nothing to forgive’. There is a biblical scripture that says all things work together for good for those that love God. Of course hindsight is a wonderful thing, hence the need to rise without judgement above any situation, to allow for God’s truth and his vision to materialise and therefore for God to judge accordingly. Take Jesus as an example – evil was inflicted on him, however, knowing the purpose for which he came, was it wrong? Once again, context is everything.
- You mentioned Forgive… how do you see that? When you look at situations through the NDBRW [No Difference Between Right and Wrong] filter, you immediately suspend judgement. You may never see the fuller picture, but it is ok to put your trust in God as you know He will judge perfectly in accordance to His will. It is a liberating feeling to not judge. When you do not judge, the next logical question then is: what is there to forgive? It is a tough pill to swallow, however this truth will set you free. The beauty about the truth is that it is real and cannot be attacked. It is change-less: everything else outside the truth is a lie.
- You are now our resident relationship columnist – why did you embark on romantic relationship coaching? This is because Spirit directed me there. I was searching for answers. As part of finding love for myself I sought it outside of myself and experienced some bad relationships along the way, and in the pain of it I cried out to God to help me. It was by no means an overnight process. There were significant touch points along my journey. I remember one incident, where Spirit gave me a vision to an answer of many questions I had regarding romantic relationships. I hastily drew it down as I felt compelled to do it, like I was a pencil in the ‘hands of Spirit’. I refer to the drawing as The Queen diagram. It answered these questions and so many more and I now share it.
Another significant incident: one night whilst in bed , I jack-knifed out of my sleep to, again, the audible voice of spirit, this time it was very loud ‘how can I change you with walls all around you!’? I recall the vision: I saw a square formation of four lines of rubble, it was a tower that had collapsed – it was broken down. I did not understand the vision at the time, but I remember feeling relieved at the sight of the broken tower. It was years later that I realised the tower represented the false construct of beliefs I had built around me. God showed me I was a Queen of great value and that I needed to believe that. I instinctively knew that I had to break out of the web of negativity that I had built around myself. Getting to grips with that thought was not an over-night process. However I knew it to be true and so continued my journey. I needed to release and transcend my own self-judgement. By this time I had forgiven my dad. I understood the message loud and clear and I realised that God had done a wonderful work in me. The trauma had the greatest impact on my romantic relationships and I therefore had to surrender to self-love and appreciate my self-worth. I am aware I can be stubborn, but I allow myself to be guided by Spirit and it prevails. The journey is not over. My prayer was, and still is, is for God to reprove and restore me and it is this healing that I wish to share. I see myself as His messenger and seek to teach what he teaches me.
Anything else that you would like to add?Yes, I would like to invite the readers to send me any questions. This allows me to gain more wisdom in my field as I take them to Spirit if I do not have the answer. My objective is to free minds from the matrix of lies and have them see themselves as God created them.
Writer’s note:
Valerie is a deeply, spiritually grounded woman of faith, who has a gift to write as she feels led, from within. So personal is her relationship with the Holy Spirit, that during the course of the interview you will note that she refers to Him as Spirit. She transformed a dark period of her life into such light, that the darkness could not comprehend it. Valerie is among the best examples of one who has turned her pain into passion, and her purpose into a profession. By following her spirit, she has learned that the heroine had been inside of her all along and that her mission is to seek less and teach more. On her journey, she went from a period of introspection to authentication and if you have the good fortune of having an in-depth conversation with Valerie as I have, you will benefit from her experience, and learn that the secret to any fruitful relationship, first starts with yourself. With 2020 vision in the year 2020, Valerie goes several layers deeper and through her third book, The Difference, instructs on the principles of embracing positive perspectives and making your potential visible, and becoming the difference. We are each unique with a beautiful, bespoke toolset of talents to forge rewarding relationships, yet we slip so easily into conformity and wonder why happiness eludes us. Valerie will teach you how to access the inner you enabling the seeds to blossom into fruits of inner love and peace and freedom to be who you authentically are.
If you wish to follow Valerie, you can connect with her at www.valerieacampbell.com/contact/
Do join her group at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/valerieacampbell
To purchase a copy of her latest book ‘The Difference’ you can do so at: www.valerieacampbell.com
Valerie is also offering her readers a complimentary vibes check consultation Click the link to book.
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